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That title's what I'd call "fair warning", i.e., you might want to skip all that follows which is the product of a drug- and pain-addled mind.


The sciatica pain marches on. As I'm allergic to over-the-counter treatments to help reduce the inflammation, my options for pain management are limited. I have one of those Empi machines which (counter-intuitively) provides stimulation to the nerves to affect relief. It has varying rates of success for me; when it does work it can dial the pain from a 10 down to a 7 or 8. Not ideal, obviously, but at least it's something.

I couldn't sleep Wednesday night for the pain, so last night I took 1/2 of a muscle relaxer my doctor prescribed the last time I went through this (knowing it doesn't do anything but help me relax, it does nothing to treat the actual problem) plus 1/2 of a sleeping pill. Amazingly, it didn't knock me out right away. Rather, a sort of drift effect came on where I could still feel the pain, but it was like something happening over there, at enough of a distance that I could relax into sleep. I woke up a few times in the middle of the night, told myself to ignore the pain, then awoke this morning at my usual time.

The pain was even worse this morning than yesterday. I don't know if this would have happened had I not slept last night (meaning, if I'd taken care all night long not to put myself into the particular positions that really irritates the nerves), but whatever the reason, here it is. I marveled as I got ready for work that I didn't feel that drugged out feeling I usually feel when I take that muscle relaxer.

I knew I couldn't even make the walk from the park-and-ride to the bus, then subsequently from the bus to my desk, so decided I'd have to suffer the pain of paying for gas and parking and drive to work. Then the question became, can I even drive? Turns out I can, though it isn't pretty.

I did some quick and dirty googling this morning for herbal anti-inflammatory relief. There are a few things I can experiment with, so I'll give them a try. I stopped at Whole Foods on my way to work, hobbled to the herbal remedy section, and luckily happened upon someone stocking the shelves as I wandered into the section, marveling at all of the bottles I'd never seen before. She directed me to some dissolvable St. John's Wort pellets ("pellets" makes me think of animals at the zoo and I giggle at the thought that I'm ingesting pellets, but that really is the best word for them) that I took with my morning tea.

Now that I've been awake a few hours, that drugged-out feeling has come upon me that I was surprised I didn't feel earlier. It's a good thing my job involves sitting down because the combination of pain + drugs certainly doesn't make me feel like physical activity would be a good idea. I'm in mourning over the realization that this will mean missing my Saturday morning work out, which I need for stress relief in the worst way. If not for the fact that I'm climbing the sheerest of cliffs at work, desperately trying to gain some ground, I'd be home in bed alternating between the muscle relaxers, the St. John's Wort, the Empi, and sleep. But all this HAS to be done, so here I am.

Well.

Now that I've had another cup of tea and taken my mind off work for a few minutes, I feel a little more clear in my head and *almost* ready to tackle a piece of this project I'm really not looking forward to doing. We used to have another person to do this as well as a few other things I'm doing for the first time this year; to say I miss having her do them would be an understatement.

Tags: health, medicine, work

I've had a migraine waxing and waning since yesterday morning. Just when I think it's going away, it pops back into the foreground (forehead?). Just when I think it's going to completely flatten me, it backs off enough that I can function. Somewhat.

For cases such as these, the trifecta of (at turns) taking to my bed, taking medicine, and taking a dose of laughter help alleviate the torture.

Here are a few things I've found recently that help with the laughter portion of that prescription:

Women's Porn. Totally safe for work. But you're on your own with explaining why you're laughing.

The Tale of Snow White and the Very Angry Dwarf. No pictures, just a funny and well-told story by rachelmanija about an experience with theatre. She tells a couple of additional theatre stories after this one that are also terrific if you want to dig further into her LJ. (I've recommended her memoir All the Fishes Come Home to Roost before, but no harm in mentioning it again, right?)

What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage. I believe it's time that a word is invented in English that describes the sensation of being equal parts amused and appalled. I've experienced that sensation more and more as I've coasted around the internet; people really are amazing. Anyway, whatever that word will be, all I can ask is that it's better than "blog" (such a terrible word, "blog". Bleh.) This Shamu story is the embodiment of that to-be-invented word. (Appused? <--no, that's too similar to "accused". Amalled? <-- no, that's got to be for something like getting sucked into spending time at a mall for several hours more than your worst nightmares would ever envision. Hmmm....more thinking is required here. Just not today.)

And finally, a YouTube link that is safe for work, sorta': Minnie Mouse Sex Scandal. How unsurprised am I that this took place in France? Which is not to say I couldn't see it happening elsewhere, it's just that it's so *perfect* that it took place in France, somehow.

Tags: laughter the best medicine, medicine

I want to run, I want to hide. I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside.

The kid's sick - has been all week - and thus there won't be much gadding about for us this week-end. Meanwhile, I'm stir crazy. Crazy like a fox. Get-me-out-of-here-now crazy. There's tons I can do inside - taxes, research for a speech*, tidying up the video I took of a recent MLK celebration at my daughter's school, scrub the toilet - but I don't want to do any of them. I want to go for a hike or go for a drive or just go.

I think this feeling is being exacerbated by the new medicine I'm taking. The switch from one to the other was hell; I was actually thinking there for awhile that Tom Cruise may not be completely off his cracker with his whole "we don't really need medicine" thing. The doctor warned me that this one tends to make people feel edgy and I suppose that's one word that describes the feeling of wanting to rip some people's heads off on the smallest of provocations. For example, yesterday at work I delegated a simple task to someone who's been doing this simple task day in and day out for months. It was pretty self-explanatory to me: put the insurance coverage I told him to use here and put the vendor name the client specified there. Still, two people came up to ask me a question about the vendor name and then he suggested that in future it really would be easier if I filled out this checklist form so he wouldn't have to ask any questions. I have to say this is completely opposite to my beliefs. I mean, even if it's his intent to do this very simple task for his career and not advance any further, he should at least aspire to know how to do this very simple thing. Thus, he should be able to have someone give him the necessary information in a format that's not necessarily a checklist and be able to figure it the fuck out for himself. (See, I told you I was edgy.) I know I'm no good at not letting a "is this person for real?" expression break through on my face when that's what I'm thinking, and I suspect this was true yesterday given the way he concluded the conversation and scurried away. Still, seeing that facial expression has to be better than listening to me go off on a rant about the fact that he's been doing this task for months and that I presume that even a trained monkey could do it after this much time. I'm almost over the shock at the number of college graduates who get hired who can't write a proper sentence, never mind a paragraph or (heaven forbid!) a whole letter. (Though don't get me started on how the required legal verbages that our friendly overlords in the Corporate Office want all of us to use inevitably include at least 5 grammatical errors and are, at the least, a total embarassment.) But lacking some fundamentals in education is one thing, lacking even the ambition to want to master a simple task is quite another and I just can't understand that way of thinking. It's likely I would have been irritated yesterday, medicine or no medicine. However, I seem to be feeling like this almost all of the time - it's like a constant, teeth-grinding PMS - and it's quite disconcerting to be constantly catching myself up from saying something I know I'd later regret.

*On the topic of research, part of what I want to include are some snippets of classic Buffyspeak moments. A favorite in our house is Willow's, "Kiss rocks? Why would anyone want to kiss...oh...", but that doesn't really qualify for what I want to do. I'm thinking more of things like Cordy's "overidentify much?" and Buffy's "it gives me the wiggins". What are some of your favorites? (Bonus points if you can identify the episode so I can pull it out and use it without needing to re-watch everything. Not that that would be a bad thing, it's just not the most efficient method of getting what I need.)

Anyway, even if I don't want to, I suppose it's time to do something on my list of 'inside chores'. ::Sigh::

Tags: medicine
Current Mood: irritated
Current Music: Anna Nalick "Breathe (2 AM)"