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April 15th, 2008 - frazzled and bedazzled — LiveJournal
Well, it's amazing how quickly the days can fly by with things happening and events that could be recorded, but lack of time and energy has you giving that idea the miss-in-balk. I don't want to talk about work, because as soon as I say how good it's been the last couple of weeks that'll all turn south. So. None of that. And I don't want to talk about my daughter playing softball because I want this to be a short post and I think that may take some time and space. So. We'll skip that for now. Where does this leave me? How about I start small and just talk about today? Or more specifically, just this morning...

I found the cycle of my entire day was thrown off thanks to one small thing that happened this morning. Here's the scenario: I got myself to the park-n-ride in good time, I'm gathering my things to catch the bus that will get me to my desk just when I want to get there, and I suddenly realize I left my purse at home. I started the car back up and went to leave the parking lot, then got stuck with two other cars at a light that would not turn green. It continued to stay red for us for five minutes (no exaggeration - I timed it) and finally the car ahead of me gave up on turning left and headed off to the right. I waited for a break in the traffic and went for it, turning left. Of course, by then the volume of traffic had increased, so the smooth and easy trip to the park-n-ride was not smooth nor easy going back home. But I got home, grabbed the purse, checked the bus schedule, and left again. Naturally, I *just* missed the bus, so drove to work.

On the way I enjoyed some Walter Mitty-esque scenarios of what it would be like to not have a commute of at least 30 minutes into the big city. One scenario was the at home worker where I could shuffle to the computer in sweats and comfy socks (perhaps slippers on the really cold days) with a mug of tea at one elbow and a tall glass of ice water at the other. But I've discovered something about myself over the years while bringing the odd project home to work on: I can do the work at home, and once in awhile it's preferable to do it there instead of at the office, but for the most part I like that energy of the office. There's something uplifting to me in the phones ringing and the people talking and the copy machine doing its thing. Just lately all that noise in combination has been too much on several occasions, but I blame that mostly on the fact that I sit in the vortex of one of the largest group of loud-talkers I've ever seen assembled. Nevertheless, there is something to being surrounded by lots of people that helps me tap into a kind of energy I don't always have on my own. Thus, the at home scene got a short run.

Next was the scenario that took me most of the way to work: that girl-on-the-bicycle fantasy where work is a moderately short distance away and the route consists of an allee of ancient trees where the sun is always sparkling in a deep blue sky and the birds are always singing. I filled in this scene with the requisite clothing: flower-print dress with a cute cardigan, sandals, or loafers with socks that turn down around the ankles, or perhaps Keds with no socks. Plus the appropriate accoutrement for the bicycle: the basket that holds the loaf of bread, hunk of cheese and bottle of wine. Oh! And the little bell for the bike which is whimsical, not childish. The bike would be red and the tires would be fat with white walls. Now the job in this scenario was also important. It would have to be something dealing with young children or elderly people. The heroine (c'est moi) would be sweet and kind, yet not too naive.

It's really too bad that none of that is really in the least like me. Perhaps it could be some alternate universe version of me who speaks a few languages fluently and can whip up a meal out of simple ingredients that are always kept on hand in the larder. ::Sigh:: Yeah, still not me.

Realizing that I'm not suited to work solely at home or in a job that requires taking care of other people I wondered if I'm suited to be anything but what I am: an office worker. I've done some of those quizzes that match my interests to a job and it occurred to me today that while the jobs and the offices might be different from mine, they are still more or less jobs in offices. It's both a limiting and a liberating feeling to realize I'm kinda' suited to the job I do. It's certainly not what I love love love, but it doesn't drive me crazy - which is more than a lot of people can say.

All in all, I guess this added up to making this a glass-half-full kind of day. The kind that don't set the world on fire, but instead keeps it turning day in and day out.
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