July 4th, 2008

summer reading

Out of Gas

The well's run dry. The tank is on empty. The battery indicator is flashing hollow.

I'm spent.

I'm at that stage of mental acuity where I forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it and where I'm constantly walking into a room to do...something...then walking back out again because hell if I know what it was.

My big project is at its final stage, which involves lots of printing of e-mails and filing of paper and formalizing conversations in writing and re-creating events in reverse date order so that, should I get hit by a bus, someone else could step in and follow the trail of what has happened and foresee what's to happen next.

I think it's fair to say that it took more out of me this year than ever before. I was thinking the other day about how it's hard to know if it took so much out of me because it was exponentially more difficult than usual (and, arguably, since I did the job someone else used to do in addition to the things I've always done, that would be a "yes") or if it took so much out of me because as you get older things like long-term stress take a harder toll. (Which doesn't say much for me, I suppose, if you consider Presidential candidates are lots older than me and dealing with things far more stressful.) Perhaps it's some combination of both factors.

All I know is, I really need a vacation. I really need something like a camping trip where I sleep in a little later than usual, eat a relaxed breakfast while the sun goes to work and warms things up for the day, read for a bit, have a nap, take a walk, play with my family and repeat until bedtime. But my daughter is playing in a softball tournament next week here in town, so instead I have this 3 day week-end to somehow get it together. Plus I have another client that needs some attention now and I have to be at work next week to get started with that.

Is there some quick-charge method I could employ? Some drink? Some vitamin or mineral? Some super-sekrit food? Sleep, sleep and more sleep is my usual m.o., but not only do I not have the time to get to that as I'd like to, my daughter is really hoping for more from me than watching me nap the next few days. We're going to go out for a baseball game and fireworks in a few hours. Until then it's not sounding bad in the least to sit at a window and watch breezes move through trees and clouds glide through the sky.

Oh well. As usual, realizing it could be worse - that other people are truly suffering right this minute - does help, so I'll try to focus on thoughts like that until that doesn't work and some new strategy comes to mind. We have a family vacation planned for mid-August, so there's that to look forward to. All I have to do is figure out some way to be happy it's going to last a week when a month sounds so much better.

OK, I'm off to read the Declaration of Independence. And drink lots of caffeine. Lots and lots of caffeine.