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frazzled and bedazzled
In Which I'm Just too Speshul for Words
Next Monday I’ll be attending the funeral of a family member of my husband. I didn't really know her myself, so it's not a personal loss to me so much as a loss I just need to help others get through.

Oregon contains a lot of pretty real estate. A lot. Really pretty. We’ve got everything from the ocean to ancient forests to alpine environments to deserts. And almost all of it is fantastic, a real joy to drive through and look at. Unfortunately, the place we’re headed for this funeral is…well…let’s just say it’s the kind of town people LEAVE, not the kind of town people GO TO. Since my husband’s family isn’t originally from that corner of Oregon, it’s a real mystery as to why so many of them are there.

Anyway, in addition to the usual feelings about, you know, attending a funeral, there are the additional sad thoughts about the long, boring drive there and the long, boring drive back, all done in the company of my father-in-law. (Who will probably be chain smoking while I wheeze out the window for fresh air because I can imagine that a stressful event like a funeral is just the thing to get him smoking twice as much as usual.) I’m not really looking forward to any of it. I’m not even partially happy at the thought that this means I need to get a new dress or clothes in general because everything’s all happy and spring-like in the stores and I’ll be foregoing all of that.

Still, all this is nothing (nothing!) in comparison to the pain and suffering the person who died had to endure, so all my angst-ing and negativity is making me feel like the worst kind of Speshul Snoflake today.

You see, it’s not just the thought of next week that’s on the Argh List. There are also a few work things in the mix. The end result is that things that normally roll right off me are sticking like prickly burrs today. The whistling, the multi-person conversations right by my desk, the person who responded to a really specific question with a totally vague and useless email, the person who was absolutely gung ho to do something who is the opposite now that’s it time to actually do the work, the complex project that came to me in a large stack of mostly off-topic documents, the guy who’s holding up a big project by seemingly calling back only when he knows no one will answer, the person asking for something she was given already (and only about a week ago, too), the guy who asked me to hold the elevator for him when he didn’t really plan to use it…these little things that are usually forgotten a split second after they happen are getting to me today.

I dunno, maybe I just need a nap. Or to be told a good joke. (Or heck, even a bad one.) Anyone got a joke to share? A funny kitten video? A happy baby picture? I guess, if all else fails, there’s hope that the exercise I’m planning to do tonight will get me back closer to being a decent person who isn't bothered by idiotic little things.

Blech - now I just have to make it through a few more hours without snapping off someone's head. It's so annoying to be annoyed for no good reason. It's bad enough being annoyed for a good one. And right now, I'm annoyed with myself - that's probably the worst annoyance of all.

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