Princess Strokenham (fiveandfour) wrote,
Princess Strokenham

It's the Same Old Story (This Post Brought to You by the Paranthesis)

I saw the 'invite your friends back to LiveJournal' thing recently and had to laugh about it a little bit, because I'm obviously the target audience for that one.  I didn't realize that it's been nearly a year since I last posted, and I was terrible at keeping current before that, so - erm - hello, how have you been?

I have been (mostly) keeping up with reading the stuff you've been posting even if I haven't commented or returned the favor of giving you back something to read.  In other words, I remain one of the dreaded internet vampires who take, take, take and never give in return.   ::Sigh::  If it makes you feel any better, life in general has been sucking from me like a half-starved vampire.  (I seem to wake up every morning feeling like a phone that's been plugged in to charge for several hours, yet only attains about 23% of its charging capacity.)

So I wouldn't say this is an excuse, exactly, more along the lines of a *reason*, but mostly I haven't posted because I always figure "who wants to read a bunch of negative stuff all of the time?"  

To wit, since 2015 ticked over life has included:

  1. Our water heater dying (which was expensive)

  2. My car dying (even more expensive)

  3. My daughter having surgery then following it up with an ear infection and a sinus infection (now we're talking medical bill level expensive) (she's healing well, so that's the good news)

  4. My husband going through two separate depressive (or possibly manic-depressive) episodes so severe that he's been suicidal (mutiply the medical bill level expensive times ouch and add in - or perhaps deduct is the better word - the salary my husband isn't making while he works through things and you'll get the general idea).  Some days I swear he has felt every emotion a human can feel in the course of an hour, then cycled through to feel them all over again the next hour, all day long.

  5. Work being out-of-control crazy when it was supposed to be calm (at least that hasn't been expensive) plus my former boss who still works for my company being, and here's the nicest way I can put it, a complete and total, unprofessional, unrelenting, bullying, egoistical, maniacal asshole

  6. Classes at the gym have not been all that inspiring lately so the main thing I do to relieve stress hasn't really been there for me - and I miss it (and this gym is kind of expensive)

  7. To complete my tale of woe, I can't attend any shows in the upcoming U2 tour (because of the expense of having to travel to get to see them) and it's kind of breaking my heart to miss a tour for the first time since 1987.

Yes, I do realize those last two things aren't terribly important in the grand scheme of things.  It's just that...when you can't do things you love and get some joy out of life to help balance out the negative stuff, it seems to amplify the effect of the negative stuff.

In other words, 2015 thus far has tested my resolve to remain among the employed, housed, washed, fed, and cleanly dressed because buying a one-way ticket to Hawaii and starting a life of homelessness has sounded quite tempting from time to time.  Recently reading The Glass Castle ( (<--sorry, can't get the stinking link to work correctly) has helped me grit my teeth and roll with the punches thanks to that infinitely useful thing we can tell ourselves, "My life could be a lot worse".  I find it helpful to see examples of living through "a lot worse".

Also, there's wine.  I find wine also helps with living through "a lot worse".
Tags: depression, if you find yourself going through hell , u2

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